Friday, January 28, 2011


Ever since that slow day in january I have been following the siren song of pleasure over all else. I buy rose-and-bergamot scented soap. I eat handfuls of fresh chickweed and toyon berries with the dew still on. I sleep under the moon. I wear long skirts that make me feel beautiful, even though they are slightly impractical for the 14 miles of cycling I do daily. I stop at the park and lift weights, even though I have always felt a little silly about being such a devoted exerciser. Only shallow girls are fit, I told myself. Well, no more. I love exercise! I can exercise as much as I want!

The things I have discovered on the pleasure path! First, the world responds. Almost instantly. Everyone I meet, from grandmas to gorgeous tattooed marathon runners (more on that later!) flirts with me. My pace is slower. I sleep better. I am kinder. My house is cleaner and my garden is blooming and I am careful to leave the places I have been more beautiful than I found them. Turns out, when I'm happy, the whole world is happy! And---newsflash, Dweller---after thirty some years on the planet I have finally learned that the world is not going to make me happy. That responsibility lies with me.

So I do. Make myself happy. Today I wandered across the hidden hills that bracket Culver City, barefoot, making my own path. I found a hidden hollow beneath a nicotiana tree and meditated for a while, then took off my clothes and lay back in the waist-high grass to take in the sun. There was a gentle breeze, and a slow-stepping deer who slunk past, and nary a human for miles. I have not felt such freedom since high school.

Mamas, we come first. The joy we can give ourselves magnifies; it blesses our children and consecrates the earth we walk on and the people we touch. I feel so lucky to have discovered this. Pass it on!


  1. You are so inspiring, and inspired. I've been thinking about this too - especially since nothing has been making me feel like I'm "getting anywhere" in the past years. It's sort of a decision to surrender to pleasure at every possible junction seeing as nothing else has worked out as well. Or like my efforts toward "progress" repeatedly fail, and so I might as well please myself along the way to Wherever. It's hard to remember this new polestar sometimes. "Now shall my inward joys arise, and burst into a song. Almighty Love inspires my heart, and Pleasure tunes my tongue!"

  2. you are an incredibly gifted writer.

  3. Wow, thank you both! I forget that people read this!!

  4. Wow. I will try to apply some of this wisdom to my motherhood!

  5. Waaah! (In a totally good way) When I am feeling stuck inside a corporate whale's stomach which I cannot abandon because there are also hundreds of children in here, but I will have to eventually... you know what I think of? Your long skirts! And your boots! Which is the easier part to picture because... I AM WEARING THEM.